Stay-at-home mom called out for outfit at library, receives support online

No matter what women wear, there's often someone ready to pass judgment. A stay-at-home mom, Hilary Flips, known on TikTok as @calmlychaoticmom, recently experienced this firsthand. After a trip to the library with her daughters, she was surprised by a librarian's unsolicited comment about her outfit. In a TikTok post, she wrote, "Pardon me while I continue to wear cropped tops with high-waisted pants until I'm a grandmother. Might even throw my bellybutton ring back in for extra flair."

Sharing her story on TikTok, Flips described the outfit that drew criticism: a cropped animal print sweater from Target’s Wild Fable brand and high-waisted mom jeans from Top Shop. She explained, "I just got dress-coded at our local library at Baby Storytime. So this is what I wore, a little cropped sweater situation." She noted the outfit was a step up from her usual casual attire of sweatshirts and leggings, saying she felt good about herself that day.

However, the positive feelings didn't last long. Flips recounted how the librarian approached her after the storytime session, initially asking if she was the "mom or the babysitter." Expecting a comment about her children's behavior, she was taken aback when the librarian instead criticized her clothing. "She goes, 'You should know better' in like this judgy, tsk, tsk kind of tone," Flips said. Assuming it was about her kids, she started to apologize, only to be interrupted by the librarian who clarified, "No, your outfit."

Flips was shocked. The librarian pointed to her sweater, and Flips realized that when she carried her one-year-old, the cropped sweater occasionally exposed a small part of her belly. "And apparently, that's inappropriate to show any midriff when you're edging into 40 and newsflash, I disagree," Flips concluded.

The reaction on TikTok was overwhelmingly supportive. One user, @priscilla.cg, suggested addressing the incident with the library management, writing, "Not her place to shame you about your outfit and you look cute and appropriate!" Another user, @fossilou, commented, "The way I would have very loudly said- Oh, I didn't realize the library had a dress code!?! and draw attention to the whole situation." @kriscrops added, "I'd wear the same outfit next week!! You look amazing!!! Like others have said it says more about her than your choice of outfit!! Hugs! Keep being you!"

A librarian chimed in with disbelief. User @eleanor remarked, "My mind is blown. I’ve worked in all kinds of libraries for almost 30 years. Never have I ever seen a library staffer call out a patron’s outfit and trust, we’ve seen more than a midriff."

Flips’ experience resonates with many women who have faced judgment for their clothing choices. It highlights a broader issue of societal expectations and the scrutiny women often face, regardless of their attire. As the comments suggest, the library should be a welcoming space for all, without unnecessary dress codes imposed by individual staff members.

This incident reminds us of the importance of supporting each other and standing up against unfair judgments. If you've experienced something similar, remember, it's essential to wear what makes you feel good. It's up to each of us to create a more accepting environment, one where people aren't judged by their clothing choices. Let's continue the conversation and advocate for a judgment-free society.

Editor's Note: This article was originally published on August, 2024.