Mom staunchly defended trans daughter against conservative, catholic relatives

One mom wouldn't back down when a religious relative tried to cut her trans daughter out of their lives. In a post on Reddit's "Am I the A-hole?" OP explains that she and her husband have two children. Their 24-year-old recently came out to them as a trans woman.  

Although they were surprised, their "support for her has never wavered since the second she told us." Her in-laws, however, are causing problems. Her husband's sister and her husband "seem to become more Catholic by the day," she writes. And they keep using their religious beliefs to "hide behind their racist/classist/homophobic, etc. viewpoints." 

She explains, "They run their house like The Handmaid's Tale and we've never said one, single solitary word to their girls (17, 15, 10) that would contradict their parents' teachings. I would like to add here that when our kids were growing up they had plenty to say about religion, out 'lack of religion,' their political views and remarks that were borderline inappropriate toward other groups of people." 

Ooh, I don't like these people already! According to OP, their kids can't have social media or "anything new," and they don't believe mental health issues are real.  

Recently, they told OP that her daughter is no longer allowed around their kids because "it will destroy the foundation they've built for their kids." They said fine, but if their daughter isn't welcome in their home, then none of their family members are. She writes, "If you're asking me to choose, I will choose my daughter every time." Heck yeah. 

This came to a head the other day when OP was asked to FaceTime with the middle daughter from the religious family because she was struggling with being in isolation. During the call, she asked if she could come over to sew with her someone, and OP told her the truth. She said, "No honey, I'm sorry. Your parents said you're not allowed around my daughter." That's when her brother-in-law entered the room and went ballistic. 

He started screaming at OP that she's "overstepped and to get off the phone." She writes, "The look on my niece's face is still haunting me 16 hours later."  

OP then got a text from the BIL that said, "I am so furious I am shaking. How dare you undermine my authority. Do not contact my children." She's worried she won't see her nieces again until they're legal adults.  

But...how did she undermine his authority? He made a rule; she stuck to the rule. Reddit users were similarly perplexed. "You told her the truth. You didn’t undermine him. THEY (your BIL/SIL) are the ones who said their kids couldn’t be around your daughter," one commenter wrote. 

"Being honest about why she can't come over is not undermining his authority. He just can't possibly cope with being identified as the bad guy," another wrote. This one sounds exactly right.  

"I could tell you NTA ten-thousand times, and it still wouldn't be enough. I'm so sorry that you married into such hateful trash," another person wrote. It really sounds like her in-laws are unwilling to take responsibility for their own hateful views. 

Kudos to this mom for not backing down and for defending her daughter. She clearly feels for her nieces, but hopefully, in a few years, when they are legal adults, they'll be able to see who their parents are and make their own decisions about who they choose to let into their lives. 

This article was originally published on May 20, 2020. It has since been updated.